I love jet engines. I love computers. I love snowboards, drag racing, encryption algorithms, dark matter and even the finer points of the phenolic ring.
But there’s also a part of me. A big part, that loves the slow, traditional stuff. Always have. Maybe it’s growing up in the midlands. Maybe it’s having grandparents in the Cotswolds. Maybe it’s just my genes. Whatever it is, I have an irresistible draw to traditional English pastimes and peculiarities.
I’m 37 and every year, I get excited at the prospect of conker season. I know how to make stuff out of rope. I love playing lawn bowls. I love all that nonsense where people roll cheese down hills and break bones for fun. However, there is one thing that has been weighing on my mind. Why doesn’t East Finchley have any Morris Dancers? Ok, East Finchley is a suburb of North London nestled next to swanky Highgate and media-luvvie Muswell Hill and certainly isn’t in the Cotswolds, but those of us that live here refer to it as our village. We love N2… and have the t-shirts and recycled shopping bags to prove it. It’s ripe for it. Quick Google search… no results.
I was watching the Edinburgh Tattoo a few years back where all the armed forces get together and celebrate, re-enact battles and generally show off. They had a drum corp that literally blew me away. They were from Switzerland and called the Top Secret Drum Corp. Bonkers stuff if you’re into drums. Still bonkers if you’re not.
So a few weekends back, we had our street summer party. We close the street, bring out food and drink, light the brazier and chat the night away. As I looked around, I couldn’t help notice there were enough blokes around to form a Morris Dance group. But like the Top Secret Drum Corp, it couldn’t be just any old Morris Dance. I’ve got plans to take Morris Dancing to the next millennium. There are several attempts at subverting the noble art of Morris Dancing… the funk remix, the slapstick, weird outfits and even dances with Darleks! Oh, I’ve got plans. Even the bells will be WiFi. That fat kid with the light sabre won’t know what hit him!
Of course, I haven’t asked them yet, so I may be looking for members…